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January 2006
01/02/2006 - New Years
 I was trying to explain to my sister in law today what I was feeling about another new year without Hannah and it was difficult to find the right words. This evening I was reading mail from TCF (a bereaved parent website) and found this "explanation" from another bereaved parent and wanted to share it with you.

The Year Before Last

The holiday season is approaching,
and with it comes the New Year.
Although for me time passes slowly,
New Year's Day will ring in quickly.

I dread this New Year's Day
because they will look at me
in a terribly strange way
when I get misty-eyed,
and talk about something Hannah had done.

After you first left me,
they reasoned when I cried,
"She's only been gone a few months".
And I would catch that look of
understanding in their eyes,
and found some comfort that they knew.

But on last New Year's Day,
my first thought upon awakening was,
"Oh God, my daughter died last year,
not just a few months ago, not even this year,
but last year".

She will never live in this year.
They didn't understand, they didn't reason,
that last year, for me, the loss was still new.
They thought, "It happened last year,
so long ago, why does she still cry?"

I could see it in their eyes.
This New Year's Day, will it be different?
Will my first thought upon awakening be,
"Oh God, my daughter died the year before last,
not a few months ago, not this year or even last year,
but the year before last?"

Hannah will never live in this year.
Will they even listen, should I not look them
in the eyes, for fear that I shall see,
"Why is she still crying? It happened so long ago.
It was the year before last."

Those words that we use
to describe the passage of time,
a few months, this year,
last year, the year before last.

They don't know that time stands still for me.
Will they understand that's why I cry?
Don't they know
my daughter just died ...
the year before last?

Author Unknown